I know I put Life at Full Volume on hiatus, but that’s because when I was looking back at my most recent blog posts, it was all about Epilepsy. I didn’t see Sita Gaia there anymore. This blog is called Life at Full Volume, but seriously, it was Life on Mute. It was Life on Sad.😦 I just have a diagnosis, and it is not WHO I am.
Truth be told, I have been drowning in Epilepsy. Between Doctor’s appointments, feeling ill, and picking up medications, I was sinking deeper and deeper.
I’m not here to tell you that I am cured, and it’s something I am working on. I do, however, want to share with you something that I love to do. I LOVE having deep, vulnerable conversations. Let me share with you something that happened recently.
I have been reading Brene Brown’s book “I Thought it Was Just Me (But it Isn’t)”. She goes in depth with her research about shame. Shame is a very heavy emotion to carry around, and everyone experiences shame in a different way. Brene Brown talks about “Speaking Shame”- the closer we are to NOT speaking shame, we have a tendency to act out or shut down. The closer we are to speaking it we express how we feel and ask for what we need.
I have a good friend who also has Epilepsy, but her epilepsy is different than mine. I always felt shame when she told me about the newest project she was working on or some new endeavour she was involved in. Prior to reading about this, I would shut down and sometimes act out. I told her in an honest conversation that I felt shame when we talked about her work, because I felt like I wasn’t measuring up. (Ridiculous, right?!) When I told her that, she explained to me that she felt shame about some things too. (WOAH, right?!) . It wasn’t a heroic act- let me tell you this. I finally had the courage to address something that I was noticing in my life.We were really able to get our hands dirty and have this open conversation about shame. In the end? I felt SO much better about our friendship and I have already noticed a shift.
I LIVE for these types of conversations. I feel like I have the strength and courage to be able to talk about things that mean something to me. Thus, I will also attract people who feel the same way. This is partly why I did my degree in Social Work- because I am not scared to wade into uncharted territories and see what will happen.
Expect LESS posts about Epilepsy in the future and more about me. It’s gonna be a good time.
Lots of love,
Sita Gaia &JoJo xox