Let’s be real. On Friday I was angry. I was crying. I was basically a bull in a china shop. My parents skidded around me as delicately as they could. I had so much anger inside of me, and I just didn’t know what to do with it. I was a mess. I had a long conversation with my boyfriend Jordan (who also has a chronic condition), and asked HOW?! How did he accept his condition? How did he overcome the hurdles that were suddenly placed in his way at the age of 17? (The age when he was diagnosed).
I may or may not have had liquid coming from more than one facial points. I listened as he told me how he came to accept that he had to deal with his chronic condition for the rest of his life. He had many words of wisdom to share with me, but his main piece of advice were this: although there might be something different about his body, he can’t change it. He can be vigilant about taking his medication and watch his diet. It sucks that he has to take medication, but if its what he has to do to stay alive, that’s what he’ll do. He stressed to me that even though his body doesn’t function properly without medication, he still has control over his attitude and how he feels about his condition. He has the choice of how he will let his condition affect his attitude, and it won’t let it define him or stop him from achieving his goals.
I figure my first step in accepting my epilepsy is to look at the humour in having seizures. When I am not angry and sad, I am generally a very fun and light-hearted person. I make terrible puns. I laugh at the worst jokes. I make terrible jokes. I have been accused of having a bad sense of humour. I don’t mean that in the sense of I laugh at vulgar jokes, but I just laugh at really weak and lame jokes. But you know what? I don’t care! Life is short and I’d rather laugh my way through it than be serious and surly the entire way through.
My mom and I were talking about my seizures the other day, and she said ‘What are some of the funny things about having seizures?” I had never thought about that! The thought kind of tickled me, because all the conversations around seizures have been all doom and gloom. So I thought I would share some funny experiences of having seizures. So here we go, my first step in accepting my epilepsy is to look at the humour in it. After you read these stories you’ll know what I mean.
Several months ago, me and my friend Allie were lounging around on my couch in my apartment. This was before I came home to be with my parents, and I wasn’t able to leave my apartment by myself, so Allie came over to hang out with me. So here we go: picture two girls, sitting on a nice comfy couch, catching up on life. I hadn’t been feeling very well that day. Allie wasn’t feeling very well herself, as she had badly sprained her ankle. Anyways, while we were talking, I started to seize, and I started to slouch over to the side and needed Allie to help me sit upright. Allie tried to get me to sit upright, but her ankle was hurting so badly, she couldn’t even move. “Look at us! We’re such a mess!” she exclaimed. Even though I was seizing, I could still hear her, and I started to laugh, and through the laughter I started to snort a little bit. Snorting sometimes happens when I have seizures, and sometimes I will laugh if someone makes a joke, because I can still hear what’s happening in my surroundings. Anyways, 10-15 seconds later, I came out of the seizure, and we were just a giggling mess on the couch, joking about how we were just falling apart. So yes! It is funny! I snort sometimes when I have seizures! Sometimes I sound like a pig! I can laugh at your jokes even though I’m seizing! Isn’t that awesome!? Okay, story two:
During the Christmas break I was watching Raising Hope (a fantastic tv show) with my friend, when I started to have a little seizure. I was covered up by a blanket, so she couldn’t see my clenched fist or any of the bodily movements, but the show had just started when the seizure had come on. One of the characters had said something mildly funny, but I was laughing hysterically. (If I wasn’t in a seizure I wouldn’t have reacted in such a way.) My friend wasn’t sure if I was really getting into the show or if something else was going on. She was pretty sure it was the latter.
Another humorous thing about having epilepsy: when I take my dog out for a walk I will often walk on the grass instead of on the paved sidewalk, so if I fall I’ll have a softer landing. It’s fine with me, and I think it’s a smart idea. The funny thing about it is that I have never stepped in more dog shit in my life! Geez people really need to start scooping after their pooches! Yes, I do pick up after my dog. If you ever see me walking my dog you’ll see me stop a few times to scuff my boots on the grass. It’s not pretty. I swear I’ve stepped in Rottweiler dung like 5 times now. Ah well! It’s funny! As long as I don”t do a face plant in dog shit, I’m happy!
Can you see how, in retrospect these things are kind of funny? I think humour is a good first step for me in moving towards acceptance because it’s lighthearted and fun, which is a good way to start this long journey. This is not beginning and end of my journey towards acceptance of my epilepsy, so expect more posts on it. Love you all! xox