Epilepsy and Fitness

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Hey guys! How are you doing? I’m doing pretty well these days. Since I’ve been better, I’ve been more into exercising and aching to get back into my regular exercise routines.

I have always been into working out and exercising. It’s one of my passions, and I find that it helps me burn off my stress and its a guaranteed space where I’ll get to be alone and be ‘in the zone’. I also think it helped me with the epilepsy, because one of my main triggers for seizures is stress. So, I could go to the gym and burn it off and work hard and then when I left, I would have a peace of mind. Throughout high school and university, I was what you could call a ‘gym rat’. In my first year of university it was well known that if I wasn’t around in the residence I was either studying in the library or working out in the gym. Over the years I have picked up different exercises, such as when I took a boot camp (that was fun!) and I incorporated them into my own workouts.

My workouts usually consisted of this: I would start with a a warm up on the stair master (or laps around the track), and then I would use the weight machines, but I wouldn’t like to spend too much time on them because I prefer to use free weights and full body exercises, because I feel that’s the best way to build muscle, instead of just sitting on a machine. Then I would use free weights and do bicep curls, etc, with ten pound weights (my arms aren’t super strong, I have most of the strength in my legs). Then I would use a swiss ball and do a bunch of squats and other exercises on the mat. It was a really good workout! That was just a basic run down of my workout, but I don’t want to go over it in tiny little details, because trust me, I could. 😉 I usually left the gym covered in sweat, because I always gave it my all, and I wasn’t’ satisfied with myself if I only did a mediocre job. Let’s admit it: I am a bit of a perfectionist.

When my seizures became out of control, I stopped going to the gym because there was no way I could do any of those exercises with the amount of seizures that I was having. I could easily fall off the stair master, fall off a weight machine, drop a free weight on my foot, or collapse on a mat. It would be dangerous, not to mention embarrassing. So, needless to say, I am extremely out of my routine of going to the gym and I miss it terribly. So, ever since the Fall of 2012 I have gradually been losing a lot of muscle mass and I am anxious to gain it back. I have been doing little workouts at home with a mat and doing everything I can that doesn’t require equipment, plus daily walks, yet I am anxious to gain my muscle back!

If your seizures are uncontrolled, here are some tips to still maintain your fitness level:

1.Try to go for a walk a couple of times a week with a friend or family member
2.Do simple exercises, such as crunches on a mat at home
3Watch your portion sizes and avoid sweets so as to avoid putting on extra pounds
4. Remember to stay hydrated!

Even though my seizures are improving, I need to remember to take it slow with the workouts. I have the tendency to dive back in to things and then have repercussions as a result. I really want to be able to do things that I did before the breakthrough of seizures (such as going to the gym four times a week, Zumba, and  running) I need to take it easy. Does anyone have any suggestions or is in the same situation? Hope you’re having a good week! Love you all! xox

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Loving Life With the Help of Courage

VLUU L100, M100  / Samsung L100, M100
Yeah yeah I’m a woahhhhh man!

Hey guys! Sorry I haven’t been on here lately. I don’t have  anything to say about epilepsy today, but it’s for a good reason! I don’t have much to say because I have been busy enjoying life! I have been spending time with my friends, and seeing my awesome boyfriend. It’s great that even though I have epilepsy, it doesn’t have me! Oh no, it sure doesn’t. I have been reunited with my friends (since I was with my parents for the past 7 months I haven’t seen them in forever) and we have been spending tons of time together. I won’t lie, I have been having seizures here and there, but I am still having a great time. We have been going out for dinner, going for soft serve frozen yogurt at Menchie (something like that-so delicious), going for coffee dates, and enjoying each other’s company.

I am still breaking through barriers and using all of my courage to live each day to the fullest. Even though I’m happy about how things are going, I still pack tons of courage in my back pocket, because I need it to go from point a to point b. I feel like I have come so far. I am definitely not that same girl who was so sick and could barely leave her bed. I hope I can leave her in the past for good.  I still see her with compassion, but I hope to put that to sleep. Pun intended. 😉 Love you all! xox

VLUU L100, M100  / Samsung L100, M100
Deelicious soft serve fro-yo date!

I Am Embarrassed to Have Seizures

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I have never really talked about this much before on my blog. I have talked about stigma, which is the major root of this feeling, but not this feeling alone. Now I am going to look at this underbelly of my feelings, and look under the corpse of the whale and really look at what it is that I have avoided for so long.

I am embarrassed of having seizures. I am embarrassed of when I have seizures in public. I can tell when people revert their eyes, or when I have to leave the room to get some air or when there’s too much stimulation. I am embarrassed. Let me examine the word embarrassment. I would say that at the root of embarrassment is some sort of shame. It feels shameful to lose control of my body. It feels gross to involuntarily drool or make snorting sounds. I have bumps and bruises all over me from falling off chairs and flipping off beds. I try to make the most of the cards I was dealt in life, and so I do, but seizures make it difficult to do certain things. The other day I was at an event and due to the nature of the event I was attacked (I wasn’t actually ‘attacked’ but it makes it sound more dramatic) by a mob of flash photographers. It was a major trigger for a seizure and I couldn’t be part of the photo. Thankfully I had some ativan on me, but I had to be careful the rest of the night, and I felt groggy and needed my caffeine to keep the night going. (Even though I have sworn off mostly all caffeinated drinks). I made the best of the night and absolutely refused to let the seizures get me down, and thank god very few people noticed, but it has taken the wind out of my sails and I am resting for the next day in order to regain my stamina for the next day.

My seizures sometimes have warnings and I can sit down quickly and in a safe spot, and sometimes I have no warning at all. Sometimes I have no choice but to just sit down and seize and move around uncomfortably with curious onlookers. I fucking hate it! I wish that part of my brain would stop! I am the type of person who smiles all the time and who will tell you that things are always going well. It is hard to talk about this kind of stuff, and it causes pain and anxiety.

Everyone cares about me, and I SO appreciate that. Where would I be in this world without them? Sometimes though I just wish I could shrink into my seat and not receive the type of attention that I do. I am grateful for the people that care for me, I just wish they didn’t have a reason to be caring. You know what I mean? I love them all and I am so glad to have them in my life. Anyway, this is the end of my rant. This is the most true and raw I have been in awhile. I hope you see it. Love you all! xox