SO recently I have realized something important about my blog. This blog is not just about Living with Epilepsy, but it is also about living with mental health issues. I say that because mental health issues is so deeply correlated with Epilepsy, and I believe that individuals with epilepsy are more likely to have mental health issues if their seizures are not well controlled! (Can I say holla?!) I stand firmly in the opinion that it should be okay to talk about mental health, so here I am going to continue to do it, in hopes of helping others, as well as taking some of the pressure off of my chest.
I have been feeling very anxious lately. I had a bad accident about a week ago which brought back memories of previous accidents, and not to mention a very sore head. That story is for another time though. When I say I am feeling anxious, I am not saying it in a passive way as in “oh yeah I got some anxiety going on”. You know how people sometimes use these phrases casually? Well, I am not. I was meeting my friend yesterday and while on public transit I suddenly started to have chest pains and it felt hard to breathe. I didn’t understand why. I was just going to meet a friend. A FRIEND! This wasn’t a job interview or a blind date. I was meeting someone who I had a great friendship with and who cares about me. I tried using some of the techniques that I have been taught to help fight feelings of anxiety, such as describing what my left shoe looks like, as well as deep breathing. That helped a bit, but I was caught off guard with how suddenly anxiety just overtook me.
Anxiety has taught me that it can be absolutely debilitating to leave the house. I am terrified of falling and hitting my head (or teeth) if I am out going for a walk. I even tried a yoga class, and I ended up having a seizure right before Savasana (meditation). Like, really?! Savasna is the only reason I was there! Each day takes a tremendous amount of courage for me to go out and do things, such as see friends, or simply go for a walk in my area. I mean yeah, I am working on seeing friends and going for walks but it is easy to become a shut in. Being the person that I am, I judge myself for being like this, and I ask myself why can’t I just “get over it?” My seizures are so scary, especially because I get little to zero warning before I have a seizure and boom. Another accident. I also do not have the same seizure time and time again, so I never know what to expect. I know I have talked about mental health on here before, but it is very relevant to my life right now. I am a firm believer in seeking help, so I’m in the process of that right now, which should help.
So that’s where I’ve been at lately. I’m trying to come up with ideas to help with the anxiety…so hopefully there’s progress there. Do you have any ideas for me??
Love you lots! xox