…And how I found myself again! YAY!
Epilepsy and uncontrolled seizures has taken me on quite the ride in the past couple of years. I have had to go through constant fear of having seizures, not to mention being hyper aware of my body at all times to try and protect myself from an accident. My mood was all over the map; I went from anxiety to depression to a combination of both in one day alone.
After a seizure I often feel tired and sometimes depressed. Both of which are not uncommon for people who have seizures, but it is hard to deal with. I try and fight through fatigue with a vengeance, even if it means doing things a bit slower than most people. I try to work through the depression when it happens, and since it is a side effect of having your brain completely scrambled, it usually un-scrambles, thankfully. As for the anxiety, I have tried to just do things as I have been able to. If it means having my Mom walk me somewhere, then so be it. Better than drowning in my anxiety, right?
But the past couple weeks I have been like Sita x 1000. If you know me in real life then you will know that this is pretty intense and high energy. I have never felt so happy, bubbly and goofy than in the past little while. My Dad even commented that I seem like my old self again, and you know how parents know you better than anyone! (Well, mine at least). It feels great to feel happy and excited about life. I was never going to give up even when my seizures were uncontrolled, but I didn’t feel as excited and full of zest about my future prior to this.
I feel happy and my hyper energy makes me seem like a bit of an idiot, but I swear to god that it has nothing to do with watching too many sitcoms on Netflix. I can’t help it that I like sitcoms and relate to the characters! Since I am in a seizure free period, I am trying to socialize with friends and be as productive as possible. Being active has also made me remember what it’s like to be out and about, which is great!!
I am on a new medication so I think that is helping to control the seizures, but I really hope that I’m not just in a “honeymoon period” of my medication working. I hope this actually does the trick for the long term.
The important part of this post? After a little while I finally feel like my “true self” is shining through. I feel giggly, happy, and just more excited about life in general, despite the seizures.
Hope you’re all doing well! Keep fighting the good fight! xox