I am Sita and This is My Truth

Hey everyone, I am writing this before I go to bed, and I had some thoughts that I needed to get out.
I know that I am an Epilepsy advocate, and by doing so I try to help spread awareness and understanding. I love that. In the same token, I am bloody mad. I am mad about the cards I have been dealt in life. Living with Epilepsy is not easy. I know there are other conditions that are not easy, or worse, but it is still hard. I have experienced stigma as a result of my seizures. It is not my fault. My neurons misfire and I fall to the ground. I have heard nasty things. My mom tells me to shake it off, and as much as she is right, the discrimination I feel is still present.

I am so, so, tired of trying to be cheerful all the time. Sliding into this depression is like sliding into a deep pit of mud, and the only way out is by being pulled out. I just want to be a “normal” twenty-something year old, get a job in my field of work, and not be seen as a liability to companies. I do have good times- don’t get me wrong, but I wish I could go back to my early  twenties and earlier when I never had to tell anyone about my Epilepsy. My mom says your gold is where your wound is, and she is probably right. My truth probably helps many other people with Epilepsy as well.

For some reason, I found myself this evening looking at a bunch of cards that I received last year for my graduation, and this year for my birthday,” we’re thinking about you cards”, and “we love you” type cards. I can tell that my friends know that I am unhappy, and they are doing everything in their power to help let me know that I am loved.

By stopping to read all of the cards, I realized one thing: I am important to people. Even though I am really mad about having this neurological condition which makes me tired, unable to work, and yes- say WHY ME! I still have friends and family who care about me like none other.  I am indebted to all of them for all of their support.

It feels nasty and icky to stand in my truth, but Brene Brown, Social Work PhD, says that it is important to own our own truth. So here it is. Let’s try to make life the best as possible.

Lots of love xox

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3 thoughts on “I am Sita and This is My Truth”

  1. By writing your blog, know also that you are helping others – others without the condition to understand more about it, and others with it, to feel less alone.
    It can be such a lonely illness, especially as it affects each of us differently. I regularly curse the cards I have been given, but the Internet has shown me people like you and made me realise I’m not on my own. I have tried to write a blog about mine, but I don’t even know where to begin. You’ve made me see I ought to persist, for the sake of all of us. Thank you.

    1. Aw thank you so much! Yes! Write your story! I am sure many people will relate. It feels good to know that someone out there knows how lonely Epilepsy can be. (Although I wish you weren’t lonely in it). Cheers xox

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