Why My Epilepsy is Part Of My Story

Person-reading

About ten years ago I would have never told you I have Epilepsy. Not even 6 years ago. Epilepsy was not part of my narrative, and it would for damned sure not end up in my personal memoir that I have been planning to write since I was 17. Now, it seems important. Not more important than other things in my life, but it helps decide what I will be doing in a given day. Having seizures? Shit fuck out of luck. Gotta stay on the couch and relax. Feeling perky? Go out for an hour long walk or spend time downtown with a friend all day. It feels easy and you go through the motions like a car goes through it’s motions. Reverse. Park. Go. I don’t know, I can’t drive a car. But I do know the difference between standard and automatic. I have not taped my ears to everything to know about cars.

I have been able to connect with so many people by telling them about my Epilepsy. I am not sure why this is. Some people have grown out of their Epilepsy. Some people have another friend who has it. Some people really don’t care that I have this weird condition that makes my brain go crazy. They just love me for me, and that is enough. It is like telling people about my seizures is a secret, that brings them an inch closer to me than if I had never revealed anything. It feels funny to not say I have Epilepsy and yes goddamnit I am an Advocate on behalf of other people out there who have it, too. Do you know how much it hurts to hit your head on concrete? You can’t sleep on that spot of your head for days. Do you know what it is like to have mini concussions? You don’t function like you normally would.

But with Epilepsy, I still function. I still get up and keep going. I have been kicked down and I got up and said “Hey that sucked. Let’s keep on going”. That, to me is powerful. Never forget that you are powerful, whether you have Epilepsy or not. You are amazing. You have so much potential and can grow as a person.
Epilepsy is part of my narrative because it has made me the strong and resilient person that I am today. That, to me is priceless.

Do We Find Joy Through Gratitude?

Hey friends. I have had a shitty week so we are not talking about my Epilepsy. I was grateful though because I randomly was invited out with a friend to an event, so that was fun. Meeting new people is usually a positive experience for me.

thank-you-gratitude.jpgToday I was reading Brene Brown’s most recent book, “Rising Strong”. It didn’t necessarily have anything to do with gratitude, but it made me think about what it is and if it contributes to joy. My first question is, what is joy? I feel like joy is a complex idea with many factors that contribute to it. Today though I want to think about it’s relationship with gratitude.

I try to be as grateful whenever possible. It is so weird what you can be thankful for. When I was taking the bus home, I was so grateful that one of the creepy men didn’t come and sit next to me. I look a little young for  my age so I think that makes me an easy prey. On another note, I am SO thankful for my mum, even if it might not be expressed as much as I would like. She took me to the doctor’s, the disability office, and waited while I got some blood work. What kind of mom is so patient? Even given that I was furious that only certain medical equipment is on their list, and one thing I need are suffocating free pillows in case I am face down and have a seizure. It made me so angry to feel like my Epilepsy isn’t seen as a real problem. But do you know what my mom said? With the passion that you expressed about Epilepsy and people with Epilepsy’s needs, I can tell you would be a great Epilepsy advocate.. She did not shame me. She showed me my positive attributes. This lead to great happiness and that I was still worth 110% to her.

Thank you Mom. I love you so much!

lots of love xox

PS I guess I ended up talking about seizures! HAH!

Loving Life Through the Practice of Yoga

yoga poseHey everyone. Hope you are having a beautiful week. I have recently been thinking about my yoga practice, and what it does for me. For a very long time I was not drawn towards yoga, because I didn’t think I was flexible enough. I have learned so much though. I have learned though that Yoga is not so much about being bendy and able to to all of the poses perfectly. It is more about meeting where your body is at. Our bodies are able to do different things on different days. I would love to do some of the poses that I work on, but due to my overly flexible feet, it is difficult. I’m okay with that.

girl reading book.jpgLast week I was feeling grumpy because I had just seen my psychologist. I usually have grumpy days when I see him. Not because he is a bad psychologist, but he brings to the surface the stress and upset I feel in my life. My mum always takes me to my appointments, and she suggested that I go to a coffee shop after my appointment and just relax, and to spend some time with my thoughts or a book. (Mums are so wise!)

So I ordered a latte and sat down with my book. I observed the older gentlemen sitting in front of me. They were like a camaraderie of old men who must enjoy each other’s time together. I looked through my book, which was filled with photography, and dreamed of living in France or Montreal, which is where the photos were taken. I was able to decompress from my Psych session. Somehow I felt like I was coming back to myself and I felt more centred. I feel as though the meditation part of yoga (savasana) has really allowed myself to become centred and come back to who I really am in times of distress. I have learned how to apply these practices to everyday life, which is so useful!

The energy and self acceptance that I feel from meditation is wonderful. I feel happier about my seizure control these days, and perhaps yoga has played a role?

So, I suggest that if you feel that you need to come back to yourself, or feel recentred, try meditation and or yoga. It has done wonders for me, maybe it will for you too!

Love you lots xox

Why I Have Decided to Love My Body

Womans-hands-forming-heart-symbol-on-belly

Hey everyone. I hope you are having an awesome Wednesday. Or Thursday, depending on your time zone.

If you haven’t noticed, there is a huge body acceptance movement happening online and in real life situations. There are so many awesome bloggers who talk about fashion for curvy figures, and how they love their bodies even though society is constantly telling them that their bodies are somehow flawed and unhealthy. Why are we saying that one body type (ie skinny bodies) are better than another? No. That is not the case. In my world, every body is beautiful and deserves respect. I would like to throw a shout out to
The Militant Baker and Facebook Blog Curves Become Her.

I want to join the discussion. As a twenty something year old, I have an average body type. I am not accused of being unhealthy, even though right now I will tell you that I am. What does a healthy body even look like? People who are gorgeously heavy are told that they have health problems on a regular basis. What about skinny people? What is our measurement for healthy? My point is that large people can be healthy, and skinny people can be unhealthy. I feel like I am beating a dead horse at this point, but you get what I mean.

I have written posts in the past about body image, but I wanted to tell you something. It is ridiculous to compare yourself to the other bodies around you. (This can be a very hard thing to do, especially if your body is not seen as desirable in society. I understand that). I have had a lot of body image issues, but lately I don’t care what other people think. It’s okay to have parts of your body that you are self conscious of, and parts of you that you love. For example, I can be self conscious of my thighs and my stomach. On the other hand, I love how my shoulders are curved. I think I have a great smile, and I love my tattoo. If you love your body you are not always thinking “I will date when I lose x amount of pounds. I will take that family photo when I am a bit leaner”. No, by not loving ourselves we miss out so much on life.

This was a potentially controversial blog topic, but I wanted to get it out there.

Also check out this awesome YouTube vid by vlogger Justin Dennis. She is great! Justin Dennis Stop Fat Shaming!

Love you all xox