About ten years ago I would have never told you I have Epilepsy. Not even 6 years ago. Epilepsy was not part of my narrative, and it would for damned sure not end up in my personal memoir that I have been planning to write since I was 17. Now, it seems important. Not more important than other things in my life, but it helps decide what I will be doing in a given day. Having seizures? Shit fuck out of luck. Gotta stay on the couch and relax. Feeling perky? Go out for an hour long walk or spend time downtown with a friend all day. It feels easy and you go through the motions like a car goes through it’s motions. Reverse. Park. Go. I don’t know, I can’t drive a car. But I do know the difference between standard and automatic. I have not taped my ears to everything to know about cars.
I have been able to connect with so many people by telling them about my Epilepsy. I am not sure why this is. Some people have grown out of their Epilepsy. Some people have another friend who has it. Some people really don’t care that I have this weird condition that makes my brain go crazy. They just love me for me, and that is enough. It is like telling people about my seizures is a secret, that brings them an inch closer to me than if I had never revealed anything. It feels funny to not say I have Epilepsy and yes goddamnit I am an Advocate on behalf of other people out there who have it, too. Do you know how much it hurts to hit your head on concrete? You can’t sleep on that spot of your head for days. Do you know what it is like to have mini concussions? You don’t function like you normally would.
But with Epilepsy, I still function. I still get up and keep going. I have been kicked down and I got up and said “Hey that sucked. Let’s keep on going”. That, to me is powerful. Never forget that you are powerful, whether you have Epilepsy or not. You are amazing. You have so much potential and can grow as a person.
Epilepsy is part of my narrative because it has made me the strong and resilient person that I am today. That, to me is priceless.