Monthly Archives: January 2018

Body Image

Dear Universe: My Body Makes Me Sad

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Dear Universe,

I know that when sometimes people are stressed, they emotional eat. Sometimes when I am stressed and overwhelmed I can’t even see my body. And I mean SEE it.
Sometimes I drink cups and cups of coffee to help me stay awake and so I won’t feel hunger. Hunger is an awful feeling. Don’t worry, I don’t have an eating disorder. Please don’t worry about that. I still eat. Food is delicious when T makes it.

So I was good and scheduled an appointment with my psychologist. He sat patiently and listened. He said I need to work on it. I agreed. It is an issue. Sometimes I don’t like being touched. Even a hug. That needs improvement. I am working on it universe, I swear. The other day I wrote words all over my stomach. That area is the most sensitive part of me. I still listen to all the hollywood bullshit that we are bombarded with on a daily basis.
I wrote BEAUTY, STRONG, PERFECT, LOVE, and RADIANT all over my upper torso. It helped, Universe.  It helped a lot. I am in charge. Not images that I am bombarded with.
Universe,  I follow all of these amazing body positive people. They inspire me. I want to be like them. Like “Hey this is me I don’t give a shit what you think”. They speak better than that, but you know what I mean.

Universe I am tired. I need to sleep. I am tired of putting out my own personal fires. It’s too much. I think I will be better. This will get better.

Love,
Sita & Jojo

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Living with Epilepsy

Learning How to Carve my Path with a Disability

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Hey bb’s!

sleepy pugHow are you doing? I am feeling confused lately, as I am trying to learn how to carve my path while living with a disability.

When I was younger and filled with more zest, I imagined doing my undergrad, and then going to a renowned university for my Master’s. I would be that person sitting in the chair with her own private practice. I would be the person with the Master’s of Social Work. Not quite Brene Brown level, but still, higher up.

Regardless, I did manage to graduate with my Undergraduate of Social Work, with a Minor in Women’s and Gender Studies. If you haven’t noticed, Academics is very important to me and my family. My brother recently received his PhD, and his very serious girlfriend is working on hers as well as my cousin. I am not comparing myself to my cousin and my “sister” (that’s what I call my brother’s serious girlfriend), but I always saw myself going further academically.

Currently, I am disappointed with myself. Owch. That was hard to type. I have been told since forever that I am always too hard on myself, and that my standards for myself are too high. Isn’t it better to have standards that are too high versus too low? If I was happy playing video games while on disability, wouldn’t that be disappointing?!

I am currently unable to work as I have had too many serious life changes, so I need to adapt to them. I have always seen myself as a social worker, but part of me wishes I went to school for Marketing in Business. Since the crash of the economy, going back to school is not an option, plus I am not sure I can even swing it with being fatigued constantly. (Unless I sit in Starbucks all day and get free refills on coffee from my gold card).

My mom has told me since I was a teen “You’re going to carve your own path”. I did not yet have the wisdom to fully understand what she meant, but I always kept that in my back pocket.

I guess I am going to have to come up with a new path, which is hard because I have had one path in mind since I was 12.  Please can you help? Have you ever been in this situation?

Love,

Sita & Jojo