Learning How to Carve my Path with a Disability

Hey bb’s!

sleepy pugHow are you doing? I am feeling confused lately, as I am trying to learn how to carve my path while living with a disability.

When I was younger and filled with more zest, I imagined doing my undergrad, and then going to a renowned university for my Master’s. I would be that person sitting in the chair with her own private practice. I would be the person with the Master’s of Social Work. Not quite Brene Brown level, but still, higher up.

Regardless, I did manage to graduate with my Undergraduate of Social Work, with a Minor in Women’s and Gender Studies. If you haven’t noticed, Academics is very important to me and my family. My brother recently received his PhD, and his very serious girlfriend is working on hers as well as my cousin. I am not comparing myself to my cousin and my “sister” (that’s what I call my brother’s serious girlfriend), but I always saw myself going further academically.

Currently, I am disappointed with myself. Owch. That was hard to type. I have been told since forever that I am always too hard on myself, and that my standards for myself are too high. Isn’t it better to have standards that are too high versus too low? If I was happy playing video games while on disability, wouldn’t that be disappointing?!

I am currently unable to work as I have had too many serious life changes, so I need to adapt to them. I have always seen myself as a social worker, but part of me wishes I went to school for Marketing in Business. Since the crash of the economy, going back to school is not an option, plus I am not sure I can even swing it with being fatigued constantly. (Unless I sit in Starbucks all day and get free refills on coffee from my gold card).

My mom has told me since I was a teen “You’re going to carve your own path”. I did not yet have the wisdom to fully understand what she meant, but I always kept that in my back pocket.

I guess I am going to have to come up with a new path, which is hard because I have had one path in mind since I was 12.  Please can you help? Have you ever been in this situation?


Sita & Jojo

2 thoughts on “Learning How to Carve my Path with a Disability

  1. Hi, Sita.

    Since I was 5, I wanted to be a marine biologist. I loved the ocean and the creatures that lived in it. But by the time I was 18, I felt lost. I questioned all my decisions and wound up joining the Army because I didn’t know what else to do. But it was there that I learned that I had a love and skill for computers. After I left the Army, I started a career as a software developer.

    But even then, things weren’t set. I jumped between industries, applying my craft in different ways. For a while, I managed people, and now I’ve moved into more of a product role.

    I think there are those people that know they want to be something when they are 5 and they become that thing. But I think there are more of us that want to explore the world and figure out why it is we are here and what and where we want to contribute.

    Somewhere along the way, I figured out that it wasn’t the job that defined my path, it was figuring out what fills my soul. I love technology and science and mentoring people, and looking back I see that my path always kept me close to those things. It’s always easier to see those things looking backward. And now I try to be more conscious about the steps that I’m taking moving forward. A set path is too rigid, but I want to keep heading in the right direction. I’m much, much older now and I feel like if I look too far ahead, I’d see my path is still a bit fuzzy. And that’s ok. Because if I look down, I see my path, and I’m sure it will take me where I need to be.

    For what it’s worth, figure out your why…what fills your soul. Stay true to that, and your path will reveal itself. Just be open to the idea that it may not be the one you had planned.

    Best wishes,

    1. Aww thank you so much Dave…. I always had a set idea of what I wanted to do…but had to adjust my dream with the seizures. Although I love being a care taker and I just started my part time job helping someone! It feels amazing!

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