Dear Diary: Confessions of a Millenial

Hey bb’s,

20180204_155752.jpghave run into a problem recently and I feel it needs to be addressed.

I was talking to my mom on the phone today, and she said it was fine that I quit doing something that I was pursuing. But here’s the thing: Why did I need HER permission to do something?

First of all, I am a 27 year old woman. Why do I need to ask permission to do something in life? I feel as though we need to hear  voices of others before we proceed in life. (This is not everyone, but I have noticed it in life). Why do I need permission to take a self care day? To not go to something I was invited to? My friend pointed out that it has to being good, being a woman, and to not trust yourself.

This is stunting us from becoming adults here! Especially as an individual with a disability, I need to be an adult so I can advocate for myself. My parents aren’t going to be around for me forever, and my partner can’t be there for me at every beck and call.

If we constantly ask for permission for something that we need to do, there is going to be an entire generation of people running around needing permission to make the next move in their lives.  I am not saying every person in the Millennial generation is like this, but I feel that it is prevalent!  When I was a teen, and still sometimes today, I will sit down with myself and give myself pep talks. When I was 17, I sat myself down in my room and said”okay, go away for university. All of your friends are leaving. It is better to have left then be left”. What happened to me giving MYSELF permission?!

I am going to work on it…if it’s an issue for you too, work on it with me too.

Peace.

Love,

Sita & Jojo

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2 thoughts on “Dear Diary: Confessions of a Millenial

  1. Very good post Sita! I am 52 and I still find myself looking for validation or permission from friends for what I do. Sometimes, not all the time or I would never get anything done. It is something I have to change too.

  2. Sita, I read the beginning of your post to be sure I was hearing what you were writing. It seems to me that although you were talking to your Mom, and she agreed that it was fine that you quit a pursuit of yours, I didn’t hear that you asked for permission. Since you are doing something, the concept that this is the time to quit is likely something that you were contemplating, and not something that your Mom proposed. You may have been talking to your Mom seeking some perspective, and even hoping for some validation. Validation is not the same as permission. I guess the question is, what if Mom had not thought that quitting was a good idea? Would you have left the conversation wiser, but still free to quit?
    When I was about your age I had spent over 3 years working as a paint chemist. At the same time, Canada’s first major planetarium had opened in Montreal, and I was accepted as a lecturer for the public shows. I loved doing that on my evenings and weekends! When I discussed it with my father, he noticed that I was ignoring developments in the paint industry and spending all of my spare time thinking about astronomy and show development.
    In this context I should add that I loved my Dad, and respected his opinion. He died nearly 30 years ago, but in my mind he still speaks to me; I know what he would say to me now if he were here. I still value his counsel. At the time, he felt that I had a career as a paint chemist, and he saw the planetarium as a glamorous hobby. So, when eventually (and inevitably) I left the paint business I did not have his validation. But he was still proud of my successes when I went on to produce shows for two other planetariums.
    Sometimes these days I am a consultant. Much of the time I spend with clients is discussing their plans and ambitions. We all know that life is about change, but most of us seem to resist it. It is true that sometimes, all the client needs is my permission to do (or quit doing) something that they’ve been contemplating. I think what really happens is that with those conversations, new perspectives are revealed, and sometimes that leads to new and different opportunities. And sometimes it leads to the decision that that initiative was not a good idea.
    The point I’d like to make is good things happen when we talk to the people we care about, and who care about us. New possibilities and perspectives arise. So, maybe I think you do need to hear the voices of others as you proceed in life. If you view that as you needing permission, it will make you weaker. If you see it as gaining perspective, and you are still free to make up your own mind, you become stronger.

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