Tag Archives: Motivation

Holy Shoot Things Are Amazing!!

Hey Everyone!! Hope you’re well- seizure wise, work- wise, partner wise.

courtesy of Elephant Journal
courtesy of Elephant Journal

My seizures have dropped dramatically over the past few months and I can confirm that things are improving because my neurologist said things are getting better. My depression is easing off (finally!!) and I have an interview for a volunteer position on Wednesday. The position? To help someone with a head trauma with motivational writing. I got this, guys!! Even though I am not ready to work, volunteering is a good step in the right direction.  Sometimes things don’t work according to “plan”, but maybe the trick of life is to go with the flow and ease through the tough times. You need to be a fighter sometimes (health, in this case), but things do work out!
Holy fart. This is happening guys!

Lots of love xox

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2015: Bring it On, I’m Ready

VLUU L100, M100  / Samsung L100, M100So I can’t believe that it’s already the end of the year. I know I say this every year, but somehow this year feels different. So much has happened this year so it took some time to wrap my head around all of it. You have been there to hear about most of it. One thing that I must start with though is that my New Year’s Goals List was far too long. God I’m ambitious! Among it was to graduate university, (duh) get a great social work job, get a tattoo, write daily in my journal, use my gratitude jar and exercise regularly- just to name a few.

I realized something important though. Through all the ups and downs of 2014 I achieved something that was extremely difficult in 2012-2013. I became part of civilization again. Now, if you are someone who is able to leave your house everyday, go to work and participate in social gatherings, it doesn’t really occur to you. You just go through the motions and ups and downs of your experiences. I know what that’s like because I have been there too. But when your anxiety is so high that you can only operate within certain perametres of your environment, life feels scary and everything feels like a threat. I was scared to try things outside my comfort zone, because there was always the hypothetical seizure looming on my back. One of my good friends got me to go to an exercise class with her, which was huge. The shame I felt surrounding having seizures seemed to grow like a tumor  and I was so afraid of what people would think or say. I was so appreciative of my friend’s relentlessness, and although it sounds like an odd thing to say but sometimes you need your friends to give you a little shove in the right direction. I also went boxing day shopping this year which I definitely would not have done in the past few years. Progress, progress, progress.

The support that I felt from my friends and family was huge, and I felt it whether through text, call, email or face to face. Its presence did not go unnoticed.

I am writing this on December 30, and I realized something about myself with this Epilepsy. Although I have a network of friends and I was able to graduate, I still had a dull feeling of depression residing within me. (Otherwise known as dysthymia). I had forgotten who I was. I was Epilepsy and  Epilepsy was me. I had nothing going on but trips to the hospital, doctor, and constant medication changes. As 2014 rolled on and I returned home after graduation, it seemed like I was having a mid-life crisis, which is a little jarring for a 24 year old.

My time at the Epilepsy Hospital was disappointing, as no new information was found despite invasive and extensive testing. I began to wonder if I could ever be ‘fixed’ (like a crappy old computer or something). I know everyone at the hospital is still working on my case, but perhaps I went into the whole situation with higher hopes than I should have. Epilepsy can be complicated, and in my case sometimes there is no known reason as to why a person has seizures. Accepting that facet of my life has been very difficult. However, not to jinx anything but my new medication seems to be working which is a major bonus.

However, to be totally candid 2014 has been disappointing. I know my seizures have decreased but it is what it is. I hope 2015 is better. I’m sorry, I just can’t be optimistic 24/7.

On the other hand, here are 5 awesome things that happened this year:
1. Graduating from University
2. The opportunity for extensive testing at the Neurological Hospital
3. I was able to see my cousins for the first time in years
4. I adopted my dog
5. My medication is working for the time being

I am going to send you off with a quote that my friend posted on facebook. It uplifted me and I realized how badly I needed to see it. She managed to sum up what I wanted to say in almost 1000 words. Here are her words of wisdom:

“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don’t and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.. Bring it on 2015, I’m ready.” – A close friend

Love you all! xox

I’ve Tapped into My Power- Have You?

awesome girl in carSeveral years ago, I saw a counsellor during the summer after my first year of university. We talked about my body insecurities, the stress of university, and the parts of me that I was still trying to figure out. As the summer came to an end and our sessions came to a close, we had our very last session. We reviewed what we had done, and I told him in pure truth that our sessions had been helpful. Then at the end of the session, my counsellor turned to me and said, “Sita, I wish you could just tap into your power”. I stared at him blankly, and ever since then I have wondered what he meant by “tapping into my power”. What a weird thing to say after a summer of counselling sessions.

Fast-forward to five years later: Today I went to the bank to open a savings account for when I graduate university this coming spring. Realistically speaking, I probably won’t find a job right away, so I want some money tucked away for my future. After the appointment at the bank I went to a coffee shop for a cheap latte and to re-read my favourite book for the umpteenth time. While flipping through the pages of my decrepit paperback, it dawned on me: I was making the steps for an independent future, and I was being the driver of my own life.I was connecting to my own power!!! I wasn’t letting anyone else take the wheel of my life, as I know exactly what I want and I have figured out a plan to get there. Since I have grown attached to the city and people where my university is, I don’t plan to move back home with my parents. If I wasn’t the driver of my own life, I would just move home without trying to devise a plan to stay. I know where I feel my richest and happiest, so I am letting my heart speak to me and tell me what it needs. Finally! This is what it means to tap into your own power. Acknowledging your strengths, as well as recognizing that you are a confident and competent individual.

I can’t believe it has taken almost five years, but I finally understand what that counsellor said, so many years ago. I recognize that my success is not something that comes to only other people. It can and will come to me too! I’ve also realized that the smallest words can have the biggest impact, and as a future Social Worker, this gives me hope that I can inspire and empower future clients for the better. If I could, I would tell this social worker that he forever changed how I view my own capacity in my life, and that I can achieve amazing things.

Now it’s your turn. What words have inspired and encouraged you? Who has encouraged you to find your strengths? I wanna hear! Lots of love! xox