Tag Archives: overwhelmed

Dear Universe: My Body Makes Me Sad

Dear Universe,

I know that when sometimes people are stressed, they emotional eat. Sometimes when I am stressed and overwhelmed I can’t even see my body. And I mean SEE it.
Sometimes I drink cups and cups of coffee to help me stay awake and so I won’t feel hunger. Hunger is an awful feeling. Don’t worry, I don’t have an eating disorder. Please don’t worry about that. I still eat. Food is delicious when T makes it.

So I was good and scheduled an appointment with my psychologist. He sat patiently and listened. He said I need to work on it. I agreed. It is an issue. Sometimes I don’t like being touched. Even a hug. That needs improvement. I am working on it universe, I swear. The other day I wrote words all over my stomach. That area is the most sensitive part of me. I still listen to all the hollywood bullshit that we are bombarded with on a daily basis.
I wrote BEAUTY, STRONG, PERFECT, LOVE, and RADIANT all over my upper torso. It helped, Universe.  It helped a lot. I am in charge. Not images that I am bombarded with.
Universe,  I follow all of these amazing body positive people. They inspire me. I want to be like them. Like “Hey this is me I don’t give a shit what you think”. They speak better than that, but you know what I mean.

Universe I am tired. I need to sleep. I am tired of putting out my own personal fires. It’s too much. I think I will be better. This will get better.

Love,
Sita & Jojo

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When Chronic Illness Gets too F*cking Real

Chronic illness got too f*cking real today.

crying galI have been having seizures on and off since Sunday, but today was good. Or so it seemed. I have a massive headache, hence why I am drinking iced coffee, and have taken a few Tylenol. My parents are in the US because my brother is doing his PhD defense….and they wanted to be there to witness that. I thought “Awesome! My parents will be gone and my aunty will be staying with me!”

Last night I ended up barely sleeping, and I cried and cried in bed this morning because I felt horrible and wanted my mom. I also felt like an idiot, because as a 27 year old, I should be able to cope without my mom.

My aunt consoled me, and I waffled back and forth as to whether I would go to my one class this week. It is unfortunate that it is on a Thursday, as Thursdays tend to be my “crash day”. Ultimately, as the stubborn Taurus that I am, I headed off to meet a few friends before class so we could review some of the material for our quiz today. I also told the professor that I wanted to review a mark that I got on a previous assignment, so I couldn’t put that off. The professor had some great examples as to how I could improve, but I couldn’t help but feel the frustration that I wasn’t doing well in the class, and why it was so hard to pick up the skills. I managed to (mostly) hold myself together while talking to the prof, and after she said that she would let me take the quiz at a later date, I headed to the classroom to say hi and goodbye to some of my peers.

One of my peers caught me in the hallway and everything fell apart. I hate to complain about having epilepsy, but the headache, frustration, and going home all came to a head and I ended up having an ugly cry. She was so kind and hugged me and told me that she was frustrated too- and that she would text me regarding what happened in class. She hugged me which made it feel a bit better.

Finally I went and walked to the class, where my friend said he would walk me to the subway. I decided to refill my iced coffee, and when the guy in line at Starbucks turned to me and asked “How are you doing today?” I was very Un-Canadian and said “awful”. He didn’t know what to do with this information.

So, chronic illness has given me a blast. I am exhausted, feel over committed and stressed out because of one friggen course.

Love you lots,

Sita & JoJo